IT’S ALWAYS TEA TIME!
so today my ap art history teacher was teaching us about Hapshetsut the only female pharaoh and he was like “have you seen women they can pop out a baby and be like alright let’s go” and then he walked over to this guy and aimed his fist towards his balls and the guy flinched and held his crotch so he was like “men may be stronger but women are tougher” and then he said “so when someone tells you to grow a pair, they mean ovaries”
things that should be allowed to be used in essays:
- i shit you not
- you feel me
- no but get this
- i’m just sayin
- let me explain to you a thing
- and yeah
The minute someone adds “spread this like wildfire” to a post, I am automatically less inclined to reblog it
Prince Harry and John Barrowman both do a mutual high five/ass slap combo omg
Can we just appreciate that John smacked Prince Harry’s royal ass so hard that the guy actually had to rub himself a little while John waves his hand
Can we just appreciate that John smacked Prince Harry’s royal ass
It’s basically illegal not to reblog this.
My cousin came out to his mum by baking a cookie and writing “GAY” on it with icing and then went up to her and said “you are what you eat” then he ate the motherfucking cookie and if that’s not the best way to come out idk what is
STORY IDEA: YOUR DOOR BELL RINGS AND ITS A PERSON FROM AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE “I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE MY FAVORITE BOOK CHARACTER AND I KNOW HOW IT ENDS AND I WANNA CHANGE IT”
WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO ME
plot twist: the person who rings the doorbell is your favorite book character
I have never related so much to a Domino’s ad before.
my brothers say that if this gets 500,000 notes i get to get out of the cage
goddammit we’re getting you out of hell ourselves
if we get enough notes we need to take a screen shot and tweet it to the writers.
GUYS. Were CLOSE
“Someone should write a book where the main character slowly falls in love with the reader.”
Last line of the book : “Please, don’t close the book, I don’t want to die”
oh my god
I’d just like, keep the book open and tape it to a wall.
I’m almost afraid to want it.
John Green, we’re waiting.
“So I guess this is it, isn’t it? There are no more chapters, right? You said we were getting close and that was a while ago.”
I stared up into the sky, it was the same old sky there had always been, except for some rainclouds that hadn’t been there a few minutes ago. It wasn’t raining, but they were still floating up there, grey and dismal.
You begin to ask me something.
“Don’t ask me how I know, I just do. Things just feel really final right now, like the downward slope is starting to level out. Eventually… We’ll hit the back cover, right?”
I sat down on a bench- had that been there a few minutes ago? It was hard to tell.
“Did you say yes? I think I heard you. Your voice keeps getting harder to hear.”
Thunder rumbled, but… It wasn’t like the thunder I’m used to. It sounded like you, and it sounded sad. From one of the clouds, a single drop of rain fell on the grainy wood of the bench.
“… You’re crying, aren’t you? I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. I wish I could change this. I wish I could reach where you are.”
Thunder rolled again, and behind it was a voice. Your voice.
“Me? I’ll be fine, I think. I don’t know if this has ever happened before. I don’t really know what happens when you… close the book.”
You ask me if I’m afraid.
And oddly, I’m not.
“No, actually. Because… Whatever happens to me when you close the cover… You can always open the book up again, right?” and that’s when the answer hits me, the realization jolting me to stand again. “That’s it, isn’t it? You can open it back up. The words won’t change, but I’ll still be here. You can meet me all over again, and I can meet you, and everything we have will come back.”
It’s raining now, and the clouds have merged together, and in them, for the first time… I see you.
You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my entire life.
You’re crying, but it’s quiet, and maybe that was the sound of your tears hitting paper.
I realize that we don’t have a lot of time.
“Listen- before it’s all over- I want you to know that everything, all of this… Even being over, it was worth it. It was worth it to meet you, to get to know you. Even if when you close that cover and I disappear- it was all worth it. I love you.”
You love me too, I know it, I can feel it, just like for a moment I can feel what it would be like to hold your hand.
There is a very long pause, and I realize you’re prolonging what has to happen.
“You can do it.”
For the first time, you have to be the hero. You have to close the book so we can keep going. And I believe in you.
The sky gets darker, slowly, but then it gets light again, and your face is still up in those clouds. You open your mouth and for the first time I HEAR you, not just feel what you’re saying or understand you in my own head, your voice comes through the pages in your world and into the reality of mine, and it reverberates and I can hear every little nuance, down to the hitch from you crying.
“I’ll never forget you,” you say. “I’ll come back soon.”
SOMEONE DID AND NOW IM EMOTIONAL
I’m going to go ahead and write the beginning of this, okay?
I don’t know you, okay? You’re a stranger to me. I didn’t ask for you to peek your nose into my business, now did I? No, no I did not. How would you like it if someone suddenly appeared in your life?
Let me tell you what you’re going to do. You’re going to shut this book right now. Let the cover rest on the title page, and leave me enveloped in my own dark little world.
What? I can’t understand you, but I can sense what you mean. You want to know if I like being alone here, in the dark. Well, I mean, it’s all I’ve ever known. Until you came along, there was only me, existing in these pages. Why would I wish for something when I’ve known nothing else?
I have to admit, though … The light you’re reading from feels nice. I’ve never seen my world in quite this way before. The stark blacks of the letters are taking shape, becoming a home for me to live in even as you read.
Maybe I’ll let you stay for awhile. Maybe I’ll enjoy this light for a little longer with you.
OH MY GOD NO I’M ACTUALLY TEARING UP AT THESE.
so ive seen this post before anyone wrote anything of this story here now i have a fucking puddle of tears in my desk so this gif there is pretty damn accurate
JOHN GREEN FIND THIS POST AND WRITE IT